Honest Update :)

Okay... So we have 90 days until the big day! We are both getting really excited. As the day draws closer I find it harder to make it through the day without wishing I were with him in CA. I am trying to focus on not missing moments here and now. Wedding plans are going well, I am ready for it to be done :)! I have learned that planning a wedding is not really my "thing"..... we should have eloped :).

Luke is still LOVING California and Mosaic. He helped with a fashion show that the church did during LA fashion week. Here is a link I found from the show...

It looks like it was an awesome show. See.... this is a perfect example of the things I wish I was experiencing with him. Only 3 months left!>

Now honestly... In the past month or so I have had some major stress going on. I am feeling much better but I had a few weeks of stress overload. As the days get closer I get more and more excited, but I also find my self concerned about the future. The fears that I have are totally valid, but I had allowed myself to believe that it was "wrong" for me to have the fears and concerns that I do. I am working everyday towards allowing myself to stay confident and trusting in Him. The confirmation for our journey has been overwhelming and I am very thankful for that. However, I am learning that stepping out on faith and taking risk does not only happen when all of the "ducks are lined up". I would be correct to say that in the past I would have been a person who thought "well if everything lines up then it must be the right thing to do". Through this experience I have learned that when God directs your path He will provide, He may not provide in the time frame that we wish. For example, we are moving and know that He will provide. He has shown this already through our willingness to go, Luke's experiences so far, my parents positive attitude towards the entire situation, A PLACE TO LIVE, etc. But there is still a lot left to wonder about. "What kind of jobs will we have?" "Will I be able to get a teaching job" "How will Luke's health be?" etc. These continue to be questions that I wish would be answered. I mean it would be GREAT to have all of this lined up before we go. This is the way much of my life has been lived... you know... very "organized". I am learning that God does not always give guarantees for the future, but when we follow Him and are working for His glory He will come through. This has been hard for me to grasp, but I am getting there. I am trying to be totally honest on this blog because this is such a unique process that I want people to be able to really see what the journey with Christ is like for us. So please know that I am never looking for sympathy or praise... just being honest.

The reality of how "different" this process seems is never ending. I mean I can see the look of fear and confusion on peoples face when they find out I am getting married and moving to California. Especially the people who know that I have a WONDERFUL job at an AMAZING school. Sometimes it feels like their body movements, noises, comments, are to say "you are making the biggest mistake of your life". Even though I know that this is not true it is hard not to get discouraged. The last time this happened I had to literally tell myself "You can't worry about what other people think is the right thing to do, or whether they understand or not". I know people think we are little crazy and many fathers secretly think "Man I sure am glad it's not my daughter moving across the country". People are totally free to think whatever they want, I have just had to learn how to put it all into prospective when I see the look of confusion and concern on the faces of church members, co workers, family members, friends, etc. I do not hold it against them, I just know that they don't understand. I mean heck... I don't understand completely. But He does, and he will provide.

I am re reading a book called Chasing Daylight. Here is a little bit of the inspiring words I found through the test.

After risk comes advance. After "no turning back" comes "you must go forward." The closer you get to a divine challenge, the bigger it will seem, and the smaller you will feel.

When you move with God, He always shows up. It's just difficult to predict what He will do or how He will do it. If you wait for guarantees, the only thing that will be guaranteed is that you will miss endless divine opportunities--that you can know for certain.

So when I feel like people don't understand our choices and I don't understand what the future holds I am able to gain confidence from words such as these. Even though I am nervous about what is to come, whether this is the "right" or "expected" thing for me to do, concerned at times about what other people think I am more excited to make a change and serve the One I love with the man I love. Even though this journey has been a struggle, stressful, overwhelming, confusing, terrifying, I am growing so much and so thankful for the process that God is taking me through.

I would like to add that through all of these questions, emotions, and uncertainty Luke has proven to be exactly the follower of Christ I knew he was. The amount of care and time he has put into allowing me to work through this process has been unbelievable. I am blessed with a fiancé who loves me for me even though that may include some crazy moments. Many of my worries and doubts are very outside of his personal realm of concern, however, he has not once made me feel that my feelings/concerns were not valid. We are ready to be Mr. and Mrs. and start our life together. Thank you guys for your support and prayers. We really appreciate it so much!