My journey*Your journey*Different, but connected

So I recently stumbled upon this blog. This is Katie. She is 21 and has 14 children who she has adopted while serving in Uganda.

http://www.kissesfromkatie.blogspot.com/

I have enjoyed reading her stories and have also gained many thoughtful moments. I read one post about " counting the cost". She wrote about having to leave the love of her life to pursue this life in Africa, she listed all of the tings she had to give up to go on this journey. And this made our move to California seem so small and actually quite "fancy". I started to feel so guilty and overcome with shame. I once again slipped into wondering if maybe I was doing "something wrong". I have this thing where I can admire something or feel inspired by something, or even convicted by something and I will think that I am supposed to do the same thing. Am I the only one who does this? Hope not. So my mind became consumed with the idea that this journey Luke and I are on is not enough, I need to give more. I should be just like her, I should e-mail her, move to Africa and adopt 14 kids. I mean if she did it, so should I right? I believe that the initial reason I felt this way was the guilt and shame that I felt that my life was not sacrificial enough. I caused myself to believe that she and I were similar so compassion for her and a longing to do the "right thing" always. I began to wonder... "maybe I have my calling wrong? I mean look at all she has given up so young, relationship, family, home, safety, etc." She did all of this to follow Christ. I just couldn't stop thinking about it. I started to scold myself with things like "you are going to move, but you know you wouldn't be if it were not for Luke, maybe you are just following him not really Christ?" But the truth of the matter is, mostly if it were not for Luke I would not even be ready to sacrifice the things that I am and move to the other side of the country. God has used Luke to inspired me to dare to dream, jump, fall, get back up, serve, love, and much much more. So I guess in a way I am "following Luke", however, he is being fueled by the One who is in control. I cant deny the fact that many times God works in our lives through others. I am thankful for this. I am extremely happy with the way my life is playing out (which I do admit is a struggle for me to not feel guilty about) and I would not have expected myself to be happy about some events that are taking place. This shows Christ moving and working in my life. Through this journey I have become determined to dream and change the world. The problem now is that I don't know what that means for me. So when I read another persons story my obsessive thought patterns take over and I think maybe I should do that too. Instead of letting it come and following His movement I over think and try to ignore the journey in front of me, that I believe could only be possible by the grace of Someone bigger than myself. I still have these people in Uganda on my mind Katie, all of her beautiful children, the people who need His love. I am not sure where this will take me, I would love to meet Katie, visit, possibly adopt one day? Who knows. There is beauty in the unknown and so instead of trying to decide right now and pack up to move to Uganda because I feel guilty and ashamed that my life does not look as sacrificial as Katie's I am trying to use that energy more positively. I am committing to praying for Katie and her children (all 14 :)) And for the people who work with Katie, and for Uganda and it's people. I am also inspired to pray for my own journey with Luke and the possibility of adoption in the future. Honestly, I have fallen in love with these "brown" babies and their sweet smiles who need love. I even woke up after dreaming something about these people. I am not sure what the dream was but it left me aching to help, I then automatically thought that was a sign that I should move to Africa. I have since reined in the obsessive thoughts and realized that there are other ways to help Katie on her journey,while I am on the one in front of me. I have love, Luke has love, and I hope that one day we can give it to a child who may not have much if not any at all. Note: I am not filling out any adoption papers at the time, however, I am inspried, and will to pray about it.

I realize that I have this journey God has so graciously put in front of me, and who knows how radical it will become. I almost allowed fear and shame to discredit the path that He is making for us, and the confirmation we have received. I am shocked at how I can do this to myself. Do I think it would be a bad life to live and serve in another country? No. Do I think that is my purpose right now? No but I almost became so overwhelmed by my "inadequate" sacrifice that I gave up a journey that I have watched unfold right in front of me. One to Pasadena California to serve with the one I love and with a community that loves Christ. Serving with this community provides so many opportunities and I know that I can be used there, I am just not sure where. I have to remember that my journey that has been laid for me... is for me and that the journey put in front of someone else for them... is for them.

hERE ARE kATIE'S GIRLS...

Grace

JANE

SUMINI

Scovia

Joyce

Sarah

Tibita

Mary

Zuula

Helen

Agnes

Margaret

Prossy