My current boss approached me on Monday and asked for my letter of resignation. I knew this day would come, and honestly I knew that I would not take it well. I knew that I would be uncomfortable when this time came, not because I am heartbroken and shattered about leaving this school and/or not teaching next year. I have enjoyed my year, but I have also found peace with possibly starting a new type of job and an exciting move. Anyway, I let him know that I would get him the letter, then I preceded to put it off for the entire week. Today is Friday and I said to myself "you just need to do it". So this morning I sat down at the computer and typed it, short, sweet, and to the point. No big deal right? WRONG! I was completely nervous as I typed, and then off and on throughout the day about actually giving him the letter. I began to wonder why I was so nervous... I should not have put too much thought into this, because I came up with many reasons that did nothing but make me more nervous and confused. Here are just a few....
"You are worried because you know that if you turn it in and for some reason you don't end up in California then you will be job less and by your own doing"
"You don't really love Luke and you don't want to move"
"Handing over that letter signifies that you no longer have a job, you are expected to have a job, particularly teaching"
"If you are worried about this, it must be because you are doing something wrong"
So, needless to say I had a minor panic attack and began to make all of these a reality in my mind. I have developed this habit of taking thoughts or situations that I fear and attempting to turn them into my reality. I am working through this and beginning to realize when I am doing allowing this to happen.
The problem with fear is that it is usually false information that appears to be true. Now if I look back at my life over the past few years and think of things I have been afraid of I realize that very few of them have actually occurred.
So after much panic and an attempt to walk out of the building without putting the letter of resignation in his box, I finally did it! I put the letter stating that I will not be working at this school next year because we are MOVING in the box. So it is official! I have given the letter to my boss and my fear to my Creator.
I am feeling much better now! I came home after this monumental exsperience and still did not have a ton of pep in my step. I was still allowing myself to think too much and analyze all that had just occurred. So, I spent sometime reading, journaling, and putting everything into perspective. Now I am feeling so much better and ready to continue the count down until the big day! 57 DAYS!
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