Our Special Day!

So I have been MIA in the blogging world for several weeks! June was just crazy. June 26th was truly the best day of my life. I married the kindest person that I know who just happens to be my best friend! The day was absolutely wonderful and filled with memories that will not be forgotten. We really do have amazing family and friends who we love so much. Our wedding party was terrific and we enjoyed sharing such a special weekend with them. Of course our families are such a blessing and it was great to have everyone together for such an awesome weekend!

Here are my sweet friends who were amazing bridesmaids! I am so thankful for each of them. They are each so close to my heart in their own special way! Don't they look beautiful?

After the wedding I had Luke stop my McDonalds to get a coke! I was such a happy girl. I could just feel stress melting away!

Sunday night I had to say goodbye to the best friends that a girl could ask for! Jessica, Shanna and Sarah Beth met Luke and I at the Varsity and we just had the best time!

Saying goodbye to Jessica and Shanna was extremely difficult! We were having such a great time then WHAM there it was... the moment I was not looking forward to! I fell apart right there in the middle of the Varsity. Not my most graceful moment but saying goodbye to these two came too soon. It is not often that you find friends in 3's, I mean think about it "three is a crowd"... well not with us. We have always had the best time together. The 3 of us have share so many memories including being bridesmaids in each others weddings! They are such a huge part of my life and I can't wait to see where life takes the 3 of us! I love you girls!

Next came the good bye to Cameron and Sarah Beth. Not fun. We love those two so much and have such fun when the four of us are together. It is hard for us to imagine not being able to see them often. SB and I cried, of course. The boys did not, however, I know they were very sad to have to say goodbye.

Monday morning before Luke and I started our road trip we went by my parents house to have breakfast and say good bye! We had a lot of fun talking about the festivities of Saturday and looking at pictures from the big day. Then... it was time to say good bye. The hardest thing I have ever had to do. No doubt. I fell apart. We all cried. As we backed out of the drive way I just waved and cried and realized that this chapter of my life is really ending! I am thrilled to start this journey, but it is new and scary and unknown. I will miss my family and it broke my heart to watch my dad wave from the drive way. I know that he wants happiness for us and he has done a great job at being supportive. But I also know this was so hard for him. That breaks my heart. As I reflect, there are so many things I will miss about my family and all the fun that we have. I know that I will most likely miss out on a lot of big things in Haley's life as she gets ready to graduate and that is hard for me to swallow. My mom and I have a special relationship that has become a friendship and I will miss those things. But am looking forward to our future and our family. So many emotions rolled into such a great time in our lives.

We are in Amarillo, Texas visiting friends and I have much to update on our road trip so far. I plan on doing that tonight, so be on the lookout!!

2 Weeks and Counting!

Well we are down to 14 days... 2 weeks!! Luke will fly home in 4 days. As much as it has been no fun having him be so far away, the thought of him flying home to get me is kind of sweet :) I guess i am finding the positive where I can? haha because it has been much harder than I thought to be apart.

There are so many things to be excited about: being married, celebrating with family and friends, the road trip, visiting friends on the way, settling into the apartment together, etc.

There are also things to afraid of: being married haha, the job search, bills, making new friends,etc.

Update on the job I told you about, I sent in my application and have not heard anything! I think she already interviewed people so I am not expecting to hear anything at this point. Please be praying for another lead.

I am cramming in soooo many much needed visits with friends!! I am wanting to spend quality time with so many people before I go.

I am feeling so many things... surprisingly, I do not feel super stressed about the move. I mean I am sure it will be stressful but I am excited that it is here. Throughout this journey I have experienced spiritual warfare like never before. I promise... there have been many things at work to totally freak me out and mess this all up. I hate to admit that many times I fell into the negative thoughts or fears. But I am so ready to JUMP and just do this. I am itching to serve with the Mosaic Community. I just know there has to be a place for me to serve and use some of the gift and ideas that are just about to pop out of me! The crazy (and a little intimidating) part is that I don't know ANY details. It is killing me! But He is in control!

I am not sure what but something is stirring in me... I am thinking the Holy Spirit is trying to work in me in a way that I have never known before. Now I am working on acting on the prompts from Him, not my desires, or my fears... which I have gotten all mixed up during this journey.

I have always known that Luke was special and really just too good to be true... but, through this journey I am realizing that I really have a partner in him. I mean even though we are 3,000 miles away we have grown in our relationship and I know it has not been easy for him to love me during this process.... my end has not always been pretty!

Ready for 14 exciting and action packed days here in GA.... then... of to CA with my new hubby!

I realize this post was a bit random! :) It has been awhile since I posted anything so I just decided to get it all out in one post since I really should be packing!!!

Our Story... So far

So I have been thinking about the way mine and Luke's journey came about, I mean the way we came to love each other. Some people may already know, but many people probably think "oh they dated in high school, planned to go college together, and here they are." That is not how it went... I love the story because it has the fingerprints of God ALL over it!

So here it goes...

Luke and I did go to high school together, however we paid ZERO attention to one another. I dated someone else for 10th grade and part of 11th grade, and he had a totally different group of friends than I did. About the middle of senior year I slowly started to hang out with his group of friends through mutual friends and Luke and I would talk here and there. I kind of thought he was a little strange (the big puffy hair was a little intense for me) and he thought I was a brat. ha. Slowly we would talk and interact but no real depth or friendship. One afternoon we were in the same area talking after school and in trying to make conversation he said "Do you know where you are going to college?" I answered "Yeah! Columbus State" He looked shocked and said "Oh! Really? Me too" HMMM.... I thought "oh thats cool I will know someone".

Senior prom rolled around and Luke was just too slow at the asking, so someone else in our group of friends asked first. I said yes, but eventually got out of it because by this point Luke and I had started to build some sort f friendship that I knew I wanted to be more. After I got out of going with the other guy Luke asked, we went, and had a great time! We both knew that we liked one another, but didn't really want to make a big deal about it so we would go out in groups, secretly hold hands, etc. hahaha.

Here we are then...

That summer we started dating. If you don't know, Luke has Cystic Fibrosis. I would not have expected myself to be okay with this health condition, because I have some control issues and I had never dealt closely with any health problems. The crazy God orchestrated part is this... in 10th grade (2 years before I ever talked to Luke) I took a child development class and had to do a project on a childhood illness. Guess which disease I was given? yep! CF! CRAZY... I know. I did the project and through the assignment realized that a kid in my grade had CF (that would be Luke). So when it came time for me to decide if I was willing to start building a relationship with someone who has CF I was very aware of what that entailed. And surprisingly I was totally willing to take that chance... I knew there was something special. I didn't know what, I was definitely not aware of the joy and partner I would find from taking that chance. And for the past 5 years we have learned what it is to commit to a person, to love, we have grown, stumbled, struggled, encouraged, served, laughed, I have cried, apologized, rejoiced, and the list goes on. I personally have learned so much. While at Columbus State we were lead to a campus ministry called Cougars for Christ. This ministry rocked our world, taught us so many truths and really challenged our faith. In some ways I feel like Cougars for Christ was preparing us for the community we will be serving with in LA. Because they are both similar and both are so different from the church families where we were raised. I was just thinking about how this has all been weaved together, how my heart has responded differently to our journey than I ever would have expected, and I realized that people may not know how we got here... so I wanted to share.

Here we are now... Time flies...The journey has been beautiful. Not perfect. But beautiful... can't wait for it to continue!

My journey*Your journey*Different, but connected

So I recently stumbled upon this blog. This is Katie. She is 21 and has 14 children who she has adopted while serving in Uganda.

http://www.kissesfromkatie.blogspot.com/

I have enjoyed reading her stories and have also gained many thoughtful moments. I read one post about " counting the cost". She wrote about having to leave the love of her life to pursue this life in Africa, she listed all of the tings she had to give up to go on this journey. And this made our move to California seem so small and actually quite "fancy". I started to feel so guilty and overcome with shame. I once again slipped into wondering if maybe I was doing "something wrong". I have this thing where I can admire something or feel inspired by something, or even convicted by something and I will think that I am supposed to do the same thing. Am I the only one who does this? Hope not. So my mind became consumed with the idea that this journey Luke and I are on is not enough, I need to give more. I should be just like her, I should e-mail her, move to Africa and adopt 14 kids. I mean if she did it, so should I right? I believe that the initial reason I felt this way was the guilt and shame that I felt that my life was not sacrificial enough. I caused myself to believe that she and I were similar so compassion for her and a longing to do the "right thing" always. I began to wonder... "maybe I have my calling wrong? I mean look at all she has given up so young, relationship, family, home, safety, etc." She did all of this to follow Christ. I just couldn't stop thinking about it. I started to scold myself with things like "you are going to move, but you know you wouldn't be if it were not for Luke, maybe you are just following him not really Christ?" But the truth of the matter is, mostly if it were not for Luke I would not even be ready to sacrifice the things that I am and move to the other side of the country. God has used Luke to inspired me to dare to dream, jump, fall, get back up, serve, love, and much much more. So I guess in a way I am "following Luke", however, he is being fueled by the One who is in control. I cant deny the fact that many times God works in our lives through others. I am thankful for this. I am extremely happy with the way my life is playing out (which I do admit is a struggle for me to not feel guilty about) and I would not have expected myself to be happy about some events that are taking place. This shows Christ moving and working in my life. Through this journey I have become determined to dream and change the world. The problem now is that I don't know what that means for me. So when I read another persons story my obsessive thought patterns take over and I think maybe I should do that too. Instead of letting it come and following His movement I over think and try to ignore the journey in front of me, that I believe could only be possible by the grace of Someone bigger than myself. I still have these people in Uganda on my mind Katie, all of her beautiful children, the people who need His love. I am not sure where this will take me, I would love to meet Katie, visit, possibly adopt one day? Who knows. There is beauty in the unknown and so instead of trying to decide right now and pack up to move to Uganda because I feel guilty and ashamed that my life does not look as sacrificial as Katie's I am trying to use that energy more positively. I am committing to praying for Katie and her children (all 14 :)) And for the people who work with Katie, and for Uganda and it's people. I am also inspired to pray for my own journey with Luke and the possibility of adoption in the future. Honestly, I have fallen in love with these "brown" babies and their sweet smiles who need love. I even woke up after dreaming something about these people. I am not sure what the dream was but it left me aching to help, I then automatically thought that was a sign that I should move to Africa. I have since reined in the obsessive thoughts and realized that there are other ways to help Katie on her journey,while I am on the one in front of me. I have love, Luke has love, and I hope that one day we can give it to a child who may not have much if not any at all. Note: I am not filling out any adoption papers at the time, however, I am inspried, and will to pray about it.

I realize that I have this journey God has so graciously put in front of me, and who knows how radical it will become. I almost allowed fear and shame to discredit the path that He is making for us, and the confirmation we have received. I am shocked at how I can do this to myself. Do I think it would be a bad life to live and serve in another country? No. Do I think that is my purpose right now? No but I almost became so overwhelmed by my "inadequate" sacrifice that I gave up a journey that I have watched unfold right in front of me. One to Pasadena California to serve with the one I love and with a community that loves Christ. Serving with this community provides so many opportunities and I know that I can be used there, I am just not sure where. I have to remember that my journey that has been laid for me... is for me and that the journey put in front of someone else for them... is for them.

hERE ARE kATIE'S GIRLS...

Grace

JANE

SUMINI

Scovia

Joyce

Sarah

Tibita

Mary

Zuula

Helen

Agnes

Margaret

Prossy

Adoption Adventures! You can be a part of God's story for these families.

Please check these blogs out!


1) I just want to love on this "Lucy" she is too precious!


http://weloveourlucy.blogspot.com/


Here is Lucy's Gotcha Day Video! Beautiful!


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=duyL9UjLrdM






2) This blog has great opportunities to help families who are trying to adopt. I am aware that adoption can be expensive. However, there is no doubt in my mind that it is worth it. I know that for myself there are ways I can cut back on certain "luxuries" to be able to give to these families!


http://embracingtheleastofthese.blogspot.com/2010/05/love-is-not-color-andits-time-for.html

3)Next, this is a couple that is in the process of adopting from Ethiopia. They are also doing a fundraiser! Very cute and such a blessing to them... I am sure.


http://thepalmersjourney.blogspot.com/

4) Kim and Dave: Anyone that I have a relationship with has probably already heard about the Rhode's Journey. I have gotten to know Kim through blogging and she is amazing. Luke and I have spent some time with them at one of the summer camps where Dave has spoken. This family is precious, real, and complete with Frankie added to their 2 girls.

http://afamilyforfrankie.wordpress.com/

Wedding Fun!

This weekend one of my very best friends got married! Wasn't she beautiful? Well she is. Inside and out! Jessica and I met in Kindergarten and have been friends since. It is not common to find a friend that sticks for that long. She is a true friend. As we started all of the wedding festivities for Jessica and Jonathan I could not help but think about mine and Luke's special day and how it is approaching quickly. I am getting so excited for the big day. Mostly this weekend made me excited to celebrate this special time with so many people that are so special to us since we will be moving immediately after the ceremony. Throughout the entire day I just kept day dreaming about June 26th :). The events that will take place, the joy I find in the thought of Luke and I being in the same state, seeing his smiling face as I walk down the aisle, and I could go on and on... but I will spare you :)

Jessica will also be a bridesmaid in my wedding and she is one of the MANY people I will miss so much after we leave. I can't believe how time has flown by, one minute Jessica and I are playing outside at her house laughing at her silly daddy who was always cutting up and the next thing I know she is getting married! CRAZY!

Job Update!

I got word from a friend in California that there is a job opening at a private school in Pasadena. I contacted one of the administrators and will be sending my application in soon. I am not sure what to think about it, but I do know that I have been praying for an open mind to whatever job opportunities may come my way. So, that is what I am doing... keeping and open mind. Luke and I are praying about this job and ask that you join us. So there you go, I have a lead.... we will see where He takes it :)

CHANGE,RISK,ADVANCE...

After risk comes advance. After "no turning back" comes "you must go forward." The closer you get to a divine challenge, the bigger it will seem, and the smaller you will feel.


I have posted this quote from Chasing Daylight in a previous blog, but, honestly I had forgotten about it until yesterday. I was at school and feeling overwhelmed with worry, concern, fear about the future, marriage, the move, etc. Then out of nowhere this quote popped in my head. Thank goodness. Later I actually printed it out and hung it up beside my desk, just as a little reminder. When I first read this part of the book months ago I made a mental note of this and knew that I would most likely experience this emotion. However, I had let this slip my mind. And let me tell you, this is how I am feeling very small next to a big, huge monster of change. I am talking about I am suddenly concerned about things that I have never been concerned about. So I have decided to follow some advice given to me by a friend which is "when you feel like you need to fix everything stop and abide with Him" I am trying! Let me tell you it is not easy when fears hop through my head throughout the day. All of this was sparked mainly by my reaction to having to turn in my letter of resignation, new and old fears all started jumping around in my brain. I have blogged before about making my fears reality in my head and I developed this fear along time ago of not being "perfect" and "messing up". So, early in the engagement I became so afraid of the possibility that I could be doing the "wrong thing". I worried myself so much about it that I was just exhausted. Like I said I had no reason to be worried other than the fear of not always being perfect that I let grow until I was paralyzed by my own fear of "messing up". Thankfully I realized that this is a pattern in my life,and I have done this for years. Only it seemed bigger and scarier this time, because it the situation in fact is bigger and scarier. I mean marriage, a move, no job. WOW! I had turned life into some big map and decided that God would tell me everything I could and couldn't do. And because things were working out the way I wanted them to, I thought that there must be something wrong. I had total disregard for the fact that I had been praying about this journey for close to a year and telling Him what I desired, but that I sure didn't want it if He didn't. I had somehow decided that I didn't really get a choice in the matter, if it was what I wanted, it shouldn't happen. I am telling you I was so scared, because I knew what I wanted and it was happening. So now I am realizing that when a big event happens in this journey I tend to retreat to these types of thoughts, these fears of failure, the unknown, etc. The letter of resignation for example, I totally freaked and went back to the old fears that I had dealt with previously and had already over come. It is almost as if I like the fear, like it gives me some comfort. Strange? probably. Broken? definitely. Reminds me that I am human, and will struggle? for sure. So now when these fears that are not my reality but a product of the unknown and me being too hard on myself fly my way I try to stop, get a grip, and move on. In the past I was just stopping, thinking, letting it fester, building new realities, then having a breakdown. Like today, I was talking to a co-worker and telling her about some stuff that came in the mail for the wedding that I was really excited about, then out of nowhere come a nervous feeling and I started in on the typical fears "oh no what if the wedding doesn't happen? then you have all this stuff and you have talked to people about it, you would be so embarrassed" so before I had time to think about it I moved on to a new thought. Because that thought, to me, screams of fear of failure. And one that I had dealt with previously. I made it through and I am alive. I am just learning not to give into the tempting thought of making myself worry and feel bad. Honestly, I do hate that I struggle with these fears and thoughts, but I think it may all just be part of my journey and growth. But what I am learning is that what I fear more is not "messing up" but not acting, not moving forward, not taking a chance and risking on this adventure that He has put in front of me. When I first felt drawn to this whole idea Luke had about California and got past the shock that I was okay with it, I was more excited and ready for action than I was scared. As the day approaches I find the tables turning and I am becoming more scared and a little less excited. I have my moments of excitement and I cherish them, but I am afraid. There I said it. Sometimes I am not even sure what exactly I am afraid of and that does not work well with me because I have to get to the bottom of the problem. I am learning to approach these thought in a more productive way, rather than slipping into panic mode. Now do I wish that I was just skipping through a field of daisies all day, without a care in the world? Yes! But I also understand that challenges such as this will bring not so pretty tasks my way, and that all of this is just the beginning of tremendous growth for me.

Blogs I Recommend! You will be touched. Promise.

I just read about this amazing 15 year old girl named Paige who is making such an impact in Haiti! I found out about her blog through Kim Rhodes http://kimrhodes.wordpress.com/ Who also has such an honest and inspirational story to tell. Read her blog and you will fall in love with her and her family!

Here is the link to check out the amazing work that Paige is doing! Enjoy!

http://livesayhaiti.blogspot.com/2010/04/from-paige-noelle.html

Letter of Resignation!

Okay, so do you remember when I committed to being honest about this crazy journey? Well I have another update.

My current boss approached me on Monday and asked for my letter of resignation. I knew this day would come, and honestly I knew that I would not take it well. I knew that I would be uncomfortable when this time came, not because I am heartbroken and shattered about leaving this school and/or not teaching next year. I have enjoyed my year, but I have also found peace with possibly starting a new type of job and an exciting move. Anyway, I let him know that I would get him the letter, then I preceded to put it off for the entire week. Today is Friday and I said to myself "you just need to do it". So this morning I sat down at the computer and typed it, short, sweet, and to the point. No big deal right? WRONG! I was completely nervous as I typed, and then off and on throughout the day about actually giving him the letter. I began to wonder why I was so nervous... I should not have put too much thought into this, because I came up with many reasons that did nothing but make me more nervous and confused. Here are just a few....

"You are worried because you know that if you turn it in and for some reason you don't end up in California then you will be job less and by your own doing"
"You don't really love Luke and you don't want to move"
"Handing over that letter signifies that you no longer have a job, you are expected to have a job, particularly teaching"
"If you are worried about this, it must be because you are doing something wrong"

So, needless to say I had a minor panic attack and began to make all of these a reality in my mind. I have developed this habit of taking thoughts or situations that I fear and attempting to turn them into my reality. I am working through this and beginning to realize when I am doing allowing this to happen.

The problem with fear is that it is usually false information that appears to be true. Now if I look back at my life over the past few years and think of things I have been afraid of I realize that very few of them have actually occurred.

So after much panic and an attempt to walk out of the building without putting the letter of resignation in his box, I finally did it! I put the letter stating that I will not be working at this school next year because we are MOVING in the box. So it is official! I have given the letter to my boss and my fear to my Creator.

I am feeling much better now! I came home after this monumental exsperience and still did not have a ton of pep in my step. I was still allowing myself to think too much and analyze all that had just occurred. So, I spent sometime reading, journaling, and putting everything into perspective. Now I am feeling so much better and ready to continue the count down until the big day! 57 DAYS!

Jobs!

Okay! Luke had a job interview last week at the Coffee Bean and he has a 2nd interview this week. So please keep him in your prayers. He is looking to work part time and I am looking to work full time for sure! One of the most common questions I get asked is, "Are you planning on teaching in California?" or "Do you have a job out there already?"...

So for the record...."Do you have a job out there already?" I do not. But I will keep you posted. "Do I plan on teaching in Califnornia?" If something comes available I would consider teaching for sure! But am I consumed by the thought of getting a teaching job? Not at all. At first I was really set on finding a teaching job. However, as I have continued to grow and learn about myself I am not so sure that is what I will end up doing. To be honest I have no clue what is in store for me as far as a job. As of right now I am praying that I will be ready and willing for any type of job that is brought my way. I do not want to get so stuck in being concerned about a "teaching" job that I possibly miss out on something great! I am not saying that I will not teach, I am just saying that I feel like I need to keep an open mind. I think I realized that I was pushing myself to find a teaching job because I felt like it is what I "should" do or what people expected of me. If you do not know, both of my parents work in education so people were not surprised when I chose the field. This is fine, but it has caused quite a bit of shock when people find out I do not have a teaching job lined up after the move. I do love teaching and I believe that I am good at it, however, I also know that God has gifted me in other areas. If He wants me to explore other avenues, I definitely want to check them out.

Do you ever feel like you are walking blind? Like He is not letting you in on the secret of the future He has? Well I have felt like that during this Journey. I mean I can see some of the future that may be to come... Living in CA (but for how long?) Serving with Mosaic (but in what way?) Working in a job of some sort (but what kind? and when?) I could go on and on. Not knowing the answers to these questions used to terrify me, but I have started to become really intrigued by the mystery of it all. I am becoming aware that many times we have to act without knowing for sure what will happen. I am some what thrilled by this idea.

So to everyone who is concerned that I do not have a job in California, or who has been wanting to ask "Do you have a job?" "Are you going to teach?" Thank you so much for caring so much about my future. It really makes me feel so loved. Please know that I do not have a job or even a lead on a job, but I do serve an amazing God who has this all figured out. He just hasn't given me a look into what He is thinking. I am at peace with that and am continuing to pray for guidance. I ask that you do the same! Like I said, I find myself excited about the mystery rather than scared of the unknown. I am shocked that I feel this way, but I see this as a sign of growth.

Strength Finder

Luke took the Strength Finder 2.0 when he started serving with Mosaic. He has been encouraging me take it for weeks, so I finally got around to it over spring break! I must say that I am so glad that I did. The whole thing with Strength Finder is that we tend to focus m ore on the weaknesses that we have than capitalizing on our strengths. I am surely guilty of this! After you complete the strength finder survey it gives you a list of your top 5 strengths. They will not even tell you your bottom 5. Which is a good thing considering I know that I would be too interested in what I am not good at instead of excited about the strengths that I have. I was shocked to find out that my top 5 were dead on. I was a little skeptical and did not know how accurate it would be but boy was it correct!! I was not shocked however to fin out that my top 5 and Luke's top 5 were completely opposite. I know this is one reason we work so well together.

Soooo here are our results...

Jessica

1. Restorative: Love to solve problems. Enjoy the challenge of analyzing to find a problem and then find a solution. Enjoy bringing things back to life and are energized by solving problems for self or others, but may feel defeated when a problem goes unsolved.

2. Responsibility: Whether large or small you feel emotionally bound to follow through with anything you have committed to. Excuses and rationalizations are unacceptable. Near obsession for doing things right. Dependable. Willingness to volunteer may cause you to take on too much.

3. Consistency: Balance is important. Aware of the need to treat people the same. Believe that people function best when rules are clearly established and are applied equally. Believe all people should have a chance to show their worth.

4. Harmony: Look for areas of agreement. Try to find common ground with the people who surround you. Try to steer people away from confrontation. Do not think others should impose their views on others.

5. Achiever: Have a constant need for achievement. Must achieve something each day to feel good about yourself. Can work long hours without giving out.

Luke

1. Adaptability: Live in the moment. Discover the future one choice at a time. Very flexible. Can stay productive when demands are pulling you in different directions at once. You don't resent unforeseen detours, you expect them and on some level look forward to them.

2. Woo: Win others over. Enjoy meeting others and getting them to like you. Drawn to building relationships with strangers. Rarely at a loss for words. In your world there are no strangers, only friends you haven't met yet.

3. Communication: You like to explain. Like to speak in public. Like to make ideas exciting, vivid, and bring them to life. People enjoy listening to you.

4. Significance: Want to be heard. Want to stand out. Will push others to succeed. Want work to be a way of life and not just a job. You want freedom to do things your way at work. Want to move away form mediocre to exceptional.

5. Activator: You make a decision, you take action, you look at the result, and you learn. Impatient for action. Once you have made a decision you cannot not act. You believe that only action can make things happen.

See how different! I'm sure you are not shocked. We were not shocked either. I am convinced that God totally knew what He was doing when he placed us together and allowed us to grow together and start this journey. We are ready to use these strengths to serve others and make each other stronger!

The New Apartment!!!

Well Luke moved into our apartment last week! He has it all cleaned up and is working on getting the basic things ready before I get there. I have been sending him links from the IKEA website! I know he wants to get everything put together before I get there... because I will be NO help with that. I could try, but would most likely find myself in the way! Since he has moved in everything is becoming more of a reality and I am thrilled. I find myself thinking of the future more often than I used to. For example, when we looked at the apartment in February I remember walking out the front door and looking to my left only to see the most gorgeous mountains I have ever seen. I can't wait to step outside to that daily! I catch myself thinking of what the future holds "What jobs will we have?" "What kind of relationships will we build with people?" "What type of influence will we have?" "What new things will we try together?".

I am so excited for the adventures that we are going to be able to take and all of the experiences that are waiting to be had!!! I am still a little intimidated about leaving all I have known, but I have realized more and more how much I have grown to really desire this move and opportunity to grow more into the person that God wants me to be. Who would have thought I would be so ready?... Not me. Now don't get me wrong I do not feel completely prepared for everything that is to come. But I don't think that I am supposed to feel completely prepared! I am praying daily for a willing heart and sensitive spirit for the people that I will be serving and serving with!

Here is a picture of the outside of the apartment. This just our front door :)To you it probably just looks like a door, but I see bliss!

Sweetness!!!

So I wanted to share what a sweet surprise I found on my door step on my birthday. Luke sent me flowers :) He is soooo far away that I had just accepted the fact that we would not be celebrating my birthday together. I figured I would get a call and he would be really sweet (which he was). But when I got home from school I found a box form ProFlowers. I was beyond thrilled and immediately knew who the sweetie was that sent them to me. They are beautiful. I should also throw in that my birthday was 2 weeks ago and they still look really good. The picture above was taken after 2 weeks and only one water change! I think they still look beautiful. They have been a wonderful reminder of the man who loves me very much and how special he makes me feel. I feel like I should say thank you to his mom Nancy for raising such a sweet individual! I could not ask for a more supportive, understanding, and genuine husband to be!

Honest Update :)

Okay... So we have 90 days until the big day! We are both getting really excited. As the day draws closer I find it harder to make it through the day without wishing I were with him in CA. I am trying to focus on not missing moments here and now. Wedding plans are going well, I am ready for it to be done :)! I have learned that planning a wedding is not really my "thing"..... we should have eloped :).

Luke is still LOVING California and Mosaic. He helped with a fashion show that the church did during LA fashion week. Here is a link I found from the show...

It looks like it was an awesome show. See.... this is a perfect example of the things I wish I was experiencing with him. Only 3 months left!>

Now honestly... In the past month or so I have had some major stress going on. I am feeling much better but I had a few weeks of stress overload. As the days get closer I get more and more excited, but I also find my self concerned about the future. The fears that I have are totally valid, but I had allowed myself to believe that it was "wrong" for me to have the fears and concerns that I do. I am working everyday towards allowing myself to stay confident and trusting in Him. The confirmation for our journey has been overwhelming and I am very thankful for that. However, I am learning that stepping out on faith and taking risk does not only happen when all of the "ducks are lined up". I would be correct to say that in the past I would have been a person who thought "well if everything lines up then it must be the right thing to do". Through this experience I have learned that when God directs your path He will provide, He may not provide in the time frame that we wish. For example, we are moving and know that He will provide. He has shown this already through our willingness to go, Luke's experiences so far, my parents positive attitude towards the entire situation, A PLACE TO LIVE, etc. But there is still a lot left to wonder about. "What kind of jobs will we have?" "Will I be able to get a teaching job" "How will Luke's health be?" etc. These continue to be questions that I wish would be answered. I mean it would be GREAT to have all of this lined up before we go. This is the way much of my life has been lived... you know... very "organized". I am learning that God does not always give guarantees for the future, but when we follow Him and are working for His glory He will come through. This has been hard for me to grasp, but I am getting there. I am trying to be totally honest on this blog because this is such a unique process that I want people to be able to really see what the journey with Christ is like for us. So please know that I am never looking for sympathy or praise... just being honest.

The reality of how "different" this process seems is never ending. I mean I can see the look of fear and confusion on peoples face when they find out I am getting married and moving to California. Especially the people who know that I have a WONDERFUL job at an AMAZING school. Sometimes it feels like their body movements, noises, comments, are to say "you are making the biggest mistake of your life". Even though I know that this is not true it is hard not to get discouraged. The last time this happened I had to literally tell myself "You can't worry about what other people think is the right thing to do, or whether they understand or not". I know people think we are little crazy and many fathers secretly think "Man I sure am glad it's not my daughter moving across the country". People are totally free to think whatever they want, I have just had to learn how to put it all into prospective when I see the look of confusion and concern on the faces of church members, co workers, family members, friends, etc. I do not hold it against them, I just know that they don't understand. I mean heck... I don't understand completely. But He does, and he will provide.

I am re reading a book called Chasing Daylight. Here is a little bit of the inspiring words I found through the test.

After risk comes advance. After "no turning back" comes "you must go forward." The closer you get to a divine challenge, the bigger it will seem, and the smaller you will feel.

When you move with God, He always shows up. It's just difficult to predict what He will do or how He will do it. If you wait for guarantees, the only thing that will be guaranteed is that you will miss endless divine opportunities--that you can know for certain.

So when I feel like people don't understand our choices and I don't understand what the future holds I am able to gain confidence from words such as these. Even though I am nervous about what is to come, whether this is the "right" or "expected" thing for me to do, concerned at times about what other people think I am more excited to make a change and serve the One I love with the man I love. Even though this journey has been a struggle, stressful, overwhelming, confusing, terrifying, I am growing so much and so thankful for the process that God is taking me through.

I would like to add that through all of these questions, emotions, and uncertainty Luke has proven to be exactly the follower of Christ I knew he was. The amount of care and time he has put into allowing me to work through this process has been unbelievable. I am blessed with a fiancé who loves me for me even though that may include some crazy moments. Many of my worries and doubts are very outside of his personal realm of concern, however, he has not once made me feel that my feelings/concerns were not valid. We are ready to be Mr. and Mrs. and start our life together. Thank you guys for your support and prayers. We really appreciate it so much!

Wow! Reflection can be eye opening and struggles can be powerful!

I thought of an interesting truth that I find funny and inspiring during this time in my life. I am always shocked at how different life is turning out for me than I thought it would. So here is the truth that I have come to realize....

"Leave it to Luke to take me as far from my comfort zone as I can possibly be, but leave it to God to make me okay and even excited about it"

Luke and I were recently discussing my reaction 2 years ago when he told me that we was looking into going to seminary in California. He remembers my response being "Well, I am not going there". HAHA "Typical"... some of you may think if you know how stubborn I can be sometimes. Through those next 2 years I prayed that God would make my heart okay with whatever He wanted. Whether it was that we would no longer be together because of the move or to help me find peace about a move across the country. Slowly but surely I allowed myself to really become open to the possibility of moving and serving alongside Luke in California. Through prayer and an open mind God has given me great peace about the move. I am shocked at this movement that has occurred in me. So shocked and thrilled about the move and changes in me that I find myself feeling guilty for being excited and eager to get the new chapter started. I know that this is Satan attempting to attack on the peace that I have found through Jesus. I can't tell you the exact day and time that God started to change my heart about this future that is to come, however, I can say that the gradual process has been beautiful. Not easy... but beautiful! Don't get me wrong I still have times where I dread how much I will miss my family and friends here in Douglasville. But I am so thrilled to be serving and with a person that I love and know loves me less than he loves Jesus, but strives to love me like Jesus loves and cherishes me. I would be willing to say that if 3 years ago someone said to me "You will be marrying Luke and moving across the country to CALIFORNIA" I would have laughed or been terrified. I am finding that when God is in control things are not simple but are meaningful and life stirring. For me this has come partly through the realization that following Christ is not only about following him when the request matches our desires, but following and allowing Him to make our desires the same as His. I am so thankful that He has been able to mold my desires into His even through my stubbornness and Type A personality. Everyday comes with challenges, but I have found joy in struggling through them.

California Dreaming!!!

Well I made it out to CA on Friday! God is so faithful. Even though it started snowing in Atlanta on Friday afternoon He got me to LA safe and sound! It was a super long day spent in the Atlanta airport... but was totally worth it to spend time with Luke in our future home state! I had a great trip... so great that I was not ready to leave! I was very relieved to find that I LOVE California.


When people ask "What was your LEAST favorite part?" I would respond with two things... #1 It is super expensive (and you know what a penny pincher I can be) #2 The roads are ridiculous!!! I sat with my eyes covered for most of the ride after he picked me up from the airport! Luke did a great job driving, but I was a mess.
Then when asked "What was your FAVORITE part?" I would respond with #1 Being with Luke and starting this adventure #2 The people at Mosaic #3 The weather #4 EVERYTHING!

Some cool stuff happened during my time there... I got to meet a ton of great people and see what Luke has been raving about for the past 2 months, I got to experience the service at the Mayan which was really cool, we had fun exploring and spending time together in a new place, and here is the big one.... WE FOUND A PLACE TO LIVE!!! This is such an answered prayer and all I can say is that God is providing! We did not expect to find something so soon and we really did not think that we would find such nice people to rent from. The family goes to the church and is really helping us out! It is just blowing my mind how letting go of the details can be so freeing. We had been praying about this place and it almost seems to good to be true! But when talking about our Creator I do not know why I am surprised that it is too good to be true! I am learning so much from this experience and know that I have much more to learn. I am humbled by the events that have taken place to confirm the path we are choosing to follow. Not a path that has
been forced upon us or that we feel obligated to travel, but a path that our Father has
enthusiastically invited us to journey with Him. As His follwers we have whole heartily accepted the invitation and are ready for an amazing ride!